FF0000's journal
by fanartfulfurryboy
Summary: A lobster with a particular yearning for knowledge seeks to increase their human language proficiency by writing a journal about the human world, the present and the past. Just a little story that is a part of a huge headcanon. Prequel to the episodes featuring dr Blowhole.
1. Entry 1

_Author's note:_  
 _I already had a huge story, with many characters, themes etc. in my head, but it would require a fair amount of work and I'm not even sure what should be the starting scene. So I decided to start small, with a shorter and simpler story taking place in the same universe. The story's writing style 1) is in first person and has in-universe reason behind its structure, and 2) is going to change until it's relatively normal. Let's hope I'll get you curious._

 _I had to made some edits due to a few bizarre limitations of . Just imagine that all underscores are spaces._

* * *

 **entry 1**

a_b_c_d_e_f_g_h_i_k_l_n_m_o_p_q_r_s_t_v_u_w_x_y_z

alphabet of letters is this, for no reason.

Dolphin boss did say I intelligent. And I should write. I did learn many read and write with some previous days. It is effect of my special intelligent. Boss say i will have more intelligent with more write. And I need more intelligent. With intelligent, somebody can make many, many complicated things like this machine.

I have tired from write. I need ask boss if my write is very good.


	2. Entry 2

**entry 2**

0_1_2_3_4_5_6_7_8_9  
and different  
0_1  
and more different  
0_1_2_3_4_5_6_7_8_9_A_B_C_D_E_F  
if number is more than biggest letter, new letter on left show how many biggest letters. Humans only use 0123456789 because humans have 10 fingers on all arms.

in china lobster farm, maybe was 100 lobsters. Dolphin boss did come and say that lobsters that humans take away are killed. Lobsters did not think of this. It is scary and true. But dolphin was not boss before, and many lobsters did not believe. But later many lobsters did believe that all that will stay will die and decide to leave with boss. Some lobsters did want to stay, but dolphin boss did say that boss will kill them for no reason if they stay, so they did leave too. Boss do not want lobsters to die, and he did say this because of this.

Boss did say my writing is better but with many wrong things continuously in it. It is complicated.


	3. Entry 3

**entry 3**

1 + 1 = 2  
362 + 615 = 977  
150 × 4 = 420

humans must not see lobster writing. This is secret. There is story that dolphins have and it say about secret human group that kill intelligent not human animals.

maybe lobsters here will have names. All dolphins have names and boss dolphin also has name he made. It's Blowhole because he has blowhole, and most lobsters have name Red because they have red color. Ocean lobsters have black color but China farm lobsters that are now dolphin boss lobsters have red color. China is also a name because China is big and important island. One lobsters has name Red 1 because he was first to think that to have a name is cool. Maybe my name will be Green because I am not green so that is funny.


	4. Entry 4

**entry 4**

remember cipher lobster IP  
t × s = v  
a=(M/m)g

We will make a very, very big submarine but it will need a lot of science. Fortunately, I have a lot of machine science in my head. I cannot make a machine, but I can use a computer language to make a fake internet human that is almost as smart as real internet human. I am very smart. My name is now FF0000 because this is a science description of red and I like it. I am friends with Magenta. He is also smart and he can almost make a computer.

We will build a submarine to fight and kill humans who are evil because they kill lobsters and dolphins in a very bad way full of pain.


	5. Entry 5

**entry 5**

We were not afraid of people and death in China farm, because humans modified our lives using human evolution and genes. We also were made red to be easy to eat. Boss sometimes says he will eat lobsters when they are lazy. Many lobsters also have apathy because we lived on China farm. I want me and everyone to live but I don't know what to do. Dolphin is boss because only he know what to do.


	6. Entry 6

**entry 6**

We did it. It was great. I'm going to save the text in here as a souvenir.

We regret to inform you that our servers have been subjected to a hacker attack. We have managed to regain control over the situation, but all the users should change their passwords as soon as possible for security reasons. Not changing your password immediately may result in your personal information being stolen.

You can follow the link below to change your password immediately:

It wasn't just a phishing attack. There was also a keylogger, so if someone changed the real bank password, great. We did automatic attacks on normal people, and one extremely convoluted attack on that rich CEO, which involved some lobsters (including me) staying up all night to solve captchas in real time when the need arose. It was exhausting and nerveracking, but we did it. Some security vulnerabilities are apparently easier to spot when you're completely unaccustomed to human technology.

And now we made it. We have money. And we found people who don't care who is buying their things when they get enough money. We will install some support beams in here to make sure that this cave won't collapse on our heads. We will buy some very necessary tech. And we are going to build this submarine. It's going to be so big and pretty and awesome.

We'll need some more money, eventually. Maybe the next time around, we will actually hack banks.


	7. Entry 7

**entry 7**

Dammit, I am still angry because some lobsters still didn't register again after the boss deleted the database. It was a really nice database and I liked it. The form is so pretty, and I knew there was lobster data behind the screen. You feel so much less mortal when you have your data in the silicon. And I felt so smart when I programmed, I learned SQL on the internet, and I made this super cool database that worked. Suddenly, nothingness. Not sure if I'm angry at the boss or at the stupid lobsters who are too lazy to register again. But maybe I'm telling this out of order.

Dr. Blowhole is the leader, so he was learning on the internet about leadership. He was already good at being big and threatening, but apparently there's more to it. And so, we (as in dr. Blowhole and the few lobsters who are smart and actually care about stuff, including Red One, Vermillion, Ruby, Magenta and me) decided to to create workflow. Workflow is when people always know what they're doing. Normally, most of the lobsters just hang around doing nothing or otherwise procrastinate unless the boss is constantly going around and shouting at them. The lobsters who actually want to get things done (see above) also have communication problems. Though it's usually not as bad as the time I asked Ruby some organizational questions and and they we're like, yeah, but then it turned out it was someone else and not Ruby and they only pretended to know what I'm talking about. For some reason. Was it supposed to be a joke? I spent thirty minutes on pointless work because of that. And I don't even know the real identity of the idiot responsible. What's the deal with us being so similar anyway, you have to look really hard to tell the difference sometimes. I don't think it's normal for lobsters. It must be another effect of the genetic engineering on the lobster farm.

Anyway, workflow. It would help a lot. Lobsters would have computers, with orders stored there, and so on. We would plan ahead, write to the system who is doing what at the moment. Organize better. Right now we're not even sure how much of us is there. We made a head count once, it was one hundred something, but I don't remember anymore. So it was time to create a database. You see, a data base is much, much smaller than a normal base cause it only contains data. Instead of a lobster, there's just a piece of data that says lobster, name this and that and so on. And it's saved on tiny data storages. It's incredibly cool. So I learned about that database language, and I made a database, and it worked, and then I made a form so that even a very stupid person could input data, and it worked too. It was so cool. Meanwhile Vermilion got some of the lobsters to register themselves, and they started doing it, though they often needed help, even though most of them are more than capable of playing videogames, anyway, I wanted to brag and show the boss what a cool database I made, so I left Magenta with the lobsters and went to the boss, who was in his office at the time doing some leadership stuff. Well, actually he was reading some comic on the internet when I came in, so I'm not sure how much it was about leadership. So he did want to see my database, and he did, and by that time there was maybe twenty lobsters already registered. And he said he wants to try out the input. But it was a database for lobsters, so whose data is he going to input, I'm asking and he says that he'll input whatever, because the record doesn't have to stay there. He even said something like, "I'm sure it can get deleted quickly". I just typed this and now I feel angry, but I'm still getting ahead of myself. So. He started by typing "Francis", but then he added a quote mark and a closing bracket and I was just confused. I asked why is he doing that and that the first field only needs a name, and he just said, "just give me a moment." Well, if this was supposed to be a lesson in caution for me, then this is the most important thing I learned: if someone is doing stuff to your interface and you don't understand what they're doing, pull them the hell away from the computer until they explain themselves. This is more important than the technical stuff I learned now, I think. But I know that now, and and back then I actually stopped paying attention to what dr. Blowhole was typing, even though he was typing some confusing, suspicious stuff on my pretty interface! Seriously. I stopped paying attention. And the next thing I knew, he already typed "DROP TABLE", and I have no idea why I didn't stop him at this point, I knew what drop table means. Maybe I thought it doesn't work if you just type it in the name box. But of course it did. And why yes, I did tell the boss something like "I implemented a table, and it's called 'lobsters' cause it will contain lobster data" before. And there I was, without the database. I mean, without one table, but that was the only table in the database. I'm kinda paranoid to even type it in the unrelated text file now, but here's the exact string of characters that kills a poor defenseless data table:

Francis'); DROP TABLE "lobsters";-

"Francis" camouflages the evil command as a name. But then there's a traitorous quote and traitorous closing parenthesis, that take the role of the real, automatic, good closing characters. Same thing with the semicolon, which says "we're done inserting data for now, now let's do other stuff, it's gonna be fun!" But it's not fun cause the next command is "drop table". Tables are fragile. if they're dropped, they shatter. Into very very tiny zeros and ones and there's no going back. "lobsters" is the name of the poor innocent data table and the next semicolon ends the command. It all ends with two hyphens. I mentioned how the quote and the paren are impostors, well, the hyphens are sent to kill the real, righteous and benevolent quote mark and closing paren. And they succeed. This is how a SQL injections work on poor, vulnerable databases.

So this is the story how dr. Blowhole deleted my database. He said that it is important to protect databases from attacks like these, and while keeping things saved on computers is extremely helpful, it also comes with a risk of losing lots of data very fast. YEAH, I GUESS I GET IT. I still don't see why couldn't he just tell me. I'm a smart lobster. Maybe the smartest in the entire damn cave. I don't remember the melting points of substances like Magenta does, but I can program. Pretty sure I can also comprehend if someone tells me I could be doing something better. I don't need to be taught by having stuff done to me.

I understand dr. Blowhole being unapologetic, he's the leader and he cannot be wrong. But I don't understand why would he need to do this in the first place. I'm still upset.


End file.
